watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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