so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
