help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
