Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
