he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Randomize
