I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
