dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
