Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize