Buhtt sex?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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