Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
