i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
