dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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