Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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