i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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