Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
