i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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