I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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