dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
