so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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