He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
