He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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