In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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