I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
