so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
