Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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