Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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