omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
