im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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