I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
