after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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