I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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