Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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