nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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