Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
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I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!