please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
