so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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