When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
