When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
