i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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