He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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