It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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