did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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