Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I have feelings that need drinking.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
