I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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