Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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