from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
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I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
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I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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