how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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