come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize