Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
3pm strippers are depressing
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
