do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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