i just wanna soil my oats bro
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
