Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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