u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
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Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
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so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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