So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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