Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
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I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize