I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
