i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
