Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
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Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
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Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I enjoy the company of your penis
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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