The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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