Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
