guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
