I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
