I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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